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scarletmonochrome asked:
Alright, I guess I've gotta break the ice by sharing my own story. If it interests you, I hope you'll comment on this post. Especially if you have a similar story, or if you think you'll be trying these things for yourself. Be mature, please. I will delete any troll comments.
Now, I've got a lot of stories I could tell, but I'm gonna start with one from my earlier days of, let's say 'masturbation experimentation,' since I don't think it's fair to call it 'sexual experimentation' if there isn't any sex involved.
When I was 14-15 (and 'so fucked up' like Shinji), I went through a lot of hormonal gender identity shit. The first big one was thinking I was bi (like every other gothy teen, right). So I tried to talk about this on the internet using the forums I was a member of, though at the time I was a really dumb kid and wasn't really easy to talk to, so a lot of the older people tried to give me some kind of advice, but weren't really getting to me anyway. And then one guy, who I'm sure was no different than myself (though was 17) came out to me basically, telling me how my stories had resonated with him, and then was saying how he wanted to be my 'boyfriend'. I actually did accept, for the course of about 2 weeks, but the reason I'm telling you this is that somewhere in that period of fantasizing about that odd relationship. I made myself into 'the girl.' Or 'the uke' if we were in yaoi terms lol.
As the years passed, I got over the whole bi thing, having realized that I didn't like men at all, and found the penis repulsive. But I'm sure you can see what route that lead down - when I was 16, I started to become really obsessed with yuri. To the point that I wouldn't look at anything with a guy in it. So somewhere along the line, I fell into yet another internet stereotype, which is the guy who thinks that he's really a lesbian trapped in a man's body. And I was taking this pretty seriously - I actually knew some people online who were M-to-F trans-genders and asked them all sorts of questions about it, being interested. Those people had all said that they were unbearably uncomfortable in their bodies and had felt like they NEEDED to change.
I of course realized that I wasn't uncomfortable in my body. I didn't really feel like I HAD to be a girl. And now, I understand a lot more about women, having talked to them finally (as well as interviewed them for the nitty-gritty details in the interest of writing a story from a female perspective. Am I saying that I realized being a girl was too hard and didn't want to do it? No. I'm just saying that I'm happy enough being a guy who likes girls, and realized that my lesbian obsession probably comes from the basic logic that one girl=good so two girls=doubleplusgood. I still think it's kind of lame that I'll never be able to experience the other gender, seeing as I feel like I'm missing out on a whole aspect of human psychology by being a man, but hopefully one day I'll get intimate enough with a woman to learn all about her.
I DIGRESS. Now that I've weeded out anyone who wasn't interested enough, I'll get to the point. What built up between the time that I was someone's 'boyfriend' and the time that I thought I was a 'lesbian' was a tendency to see myself as the girl while masturbating. This isn't gone, either. I don't do it exclusively - in my mind I can be anything. I can be a fucking tentacle monster if I want. I have no boundaries. (I used to even have a blow-up doll! Popped it.) However, I think that I have the most fun imagining myself as a girl, and especially as a girl being with another girl.
The first method I found to emulate being female was in the chubbiness I'd recently gained. Most people would list man-boobs as one of the problems with being fat, but to me, it's one of the best parts. My man-boobs are just big enough to be cupped, and are probably enough that they could match most flat-chested lolis. I think if I wanted to imagine I was Konata (banging Kagamin) it could work a lot to my advantage.
The next one is exactly what you expected me to bring up: ass. I was rather scared of this at first, partly because I didn't want to catch 'the gay', but in reality, plenty of straight guys like a finger in the ass. Usually, it's the most sexually active guys, who need to constantly evolve their sex in order to keep it exciting. Given just how much I wank off (you have no idea) I also had to evolve some things. And this shit isn't as easy as just going for it. It fucking hurts. You have to actually train your ass for this shit. And over time, you find you can fit bigger objects in there. A couple of weeks ago, I actually managed to cram in two fingers, and that was how I first got the idea for this blog. Because I was pretty fucking proud of myself. But who could I tell about that? Who could possibly share my excitement? Actually I thought about IMing trap-fapper @owen_s, but even he might have been as embarrassed to read it as I would be to write about it. I was a coward. But now I'm saying fuck it. What do I care who knows this shit? This shit doesn't even matter. If you think less of me as a person for something like this, then I think of you as a minuscule particle of existence.
Anyway, that's still pretty off-topic, since it's not like I attacked my ass right from the get-go. Instead, I did something that I actually haven't done in years (partly because when I was doing it, I was really mentally unstable, and for a long time I've tried to avoid anything that might bring that feeling back, hehe). That was, I tried my very best to wear girls clothes.
Now mind you, I don't and never have had any female friends (which is the biggest shame in the world when you think about it.) My mom dresses uber-goth (she even has some stuff bordering on gothic lolita) which I would've loved to wear, but my mom is also 5 feet tall, and that shit wasn't happening. There was exactly one instance when I was 15 that I was home alone, and I went into my mom's room and put on some of her gothy clothes - I looked fucking ridiculous, so that was a bad idea.
So how did I get around this problem? Thankfully, one of my biggest fetishes is girls wearing big, poofy shirts or sweaters. I happened to own this ridiculously huge red Fullmetal Alchemist hooded sweatshirt, which was big enough that when you see those girls who are in short-shorts and a t-shirt and the pants are invisible, that's about how it was on me - this thing reached my legs, and I could fit my entire body inside it if I wanted to. But then we have the issue of my hairy-ass legs, which is where my mom's wardrobe finally came in handy. She had thigh-highs. Those stripy kinds like Mio wears in the Don't Say Lazy video. Wearing those and my ridiculously huge hoodie, I could manage to simultaneously be naked, not see any of myself, and still have access to every part of my body. This, my friends, is how a fat guy with no women's clothes and no desire to shave anything managed to make himself feel 'cute.'
I actually highly recommend this to anyone who's always wished that they could picture themselves as a girl and don't have the means to do so. I think if you exceed a certain weight, it's not going to work right, so I'm sorry for the really huge guys. It also helps if you have a feminine voice. Thankfully, from ten years of singing Linkin Park, Coheed and Cambria, The Mars Volta, and any number of anime songs, I have cultivated as convincingly female a voice as you will ever hear from a man. Being able to 'moan' cutely is a powerful asset to completing the illusion.
The easiest thing to convince yourself is a girl masturbating. It's easy enough to mimic the things you've seen - shift your legs together a lot, touch your fingers to your lips, close your eyes, writhe a lot (I'm also much more flexible than my appearance suggests, which is also helpful. I'm telling you, until 5 years ago, you'd have never believed I was male if you met me), feel your chest, etc. It's also not so hard to dream up a lesbian scenario because a lot of it involves the use of hands, and while two hands are sadly not enough to complete the picture, two hands moving around very quickly can do a lot. Helps too if you own a dakimakura like I do (and if you've imagined the character to have an incredible sexual imagination and desire.)
Anyway, that's all I'll get into today. I already said a lot more than I intended to, but once I got rolling, I couldn't be stopped. I'm sure this actually doesn't surprise anyone all that much, given my persona as a high-level pervert (hint: it's not just a persona!) but I want the people out there who might gain something from reading this to be able to. Especially if they're anime fans, since I don't really know what it's like to not have an endless repertoire of perfect 2D women in your imagination, hehehehehe.
Now, I've got a lot of stories I could tell, but I'm gonna start with one from my earlier days of, let's say 'masturbation experimentation,' since I don't think it's fair to call it 'sexual experimentation' if there isn't any sex involved.
When I was 14-15 (and 'so fucked up' like Shinji), I went through a lot of hormonal gender identity shit. The first big one was thinking I was bi (like every other gothy teen, right). So I tried to talk about this on the internet using the forums I was a member of, though at the time I was a really dumb kid and wasn't really easy to talk to, so a lot of the older people tried to give me some kind of advice, but weren't really getting to me anyway. And then one guy, who I'm sure was no different than myself (though was 17) came out to me basically, telling me how my stories had resonated with him, and then was saying how he wanted to be my 'boyfriend'. I actually did accept, for the course of about 2 weeks, but the reason I'm telling you this is that somewhere in that period of fantasizing about that odd relationship. I made myself into 'the girl.' Or 'the uke' if we were in yaoi terms lol.
As the years passed, I got over the whole bi thing, having realized that I didn't like men at all, and found the penis repulsive. But I'm sure you can see what route that lead down - when I was 16, I started to become really obsessed with yuri. To the point that I wouldn't look at anything with a guy in it. So somewhere along the line, I fell into yet another internet stereotype, which is the guy who thinks that he's really a lesbian trapped in a man's body. And I was taking this pretty seriously - I actually knew some people online who were M-to-F trans-genders and asked them all sorts of questions about it, being interested. Those people had all said that they were unbearably uncomfortable in their bodies and had felt like they NEEDED to change.
I of course realized that I wasn't uncomfortable in my body. I didn't really feel like I HAD to be a girl. And now, I understand a lot more about women, having talked to them finally (as well as interviewed them for the nitty-gritty details in the interest of writing a story from a female perspective. Am I saying that I realized being a girl was too hard and didn't want to do it? No. I'm just saying that I'm happy enough being a guy who likes girls, and realized that my lesbian obsession probably comes from the basic logic that one girl=good so two girls=doubleplusgood. I still think it's kind of lame that I'll never be able to experience the other gender, seeing as I feel like I'm missing out on a whole aspect of human psychology by being a man, but hopefully one day I'll get intimate enough with a woman to learn all about her.
I DIGRESS. Now that I've weeded out anyone who wasn't interested enough, I'll get to the point. What built up between the time that I was someone's 'boyfriend' and the time that I thought I was a 'lesbian' was a tendency to see myself as the girl while masturbating. This isn't gone, either. I don't do it exclusively - in my mind I can be anything. I can be a fucking tentacle monster if I want. I have no boundaries. (I used to even have a blow-up doll! Popped it.) However, I think that I have the most fun imagining myself as a girl, and especially as a girl being with another girl.
The first method I found to emulate being female was in the chubbiness I'd recently gained. Most people would list man-boobs as one of the problems with being fat, but to me, it's one of the best parts. My man-boobs are just big enough to be cupped, and are probably enough that they could match most flat-chested lolis. I think if I wanted to imagine I was Konata (banging Kagamin) it could work a lot to my advantage.
The next one is exactly what you expected me to bring up: ass. I was rather scared of this at first, partly because I didn't want to catch 'the gay', but in reality, plenty of straight guys like a finger in the ass. Usually, it's the most sexually active guys, who need to constantly evolve their sex in order to keep it exciting. Given just how much I wank off (you have no idea) I also had to evolve some things. And this shit isn't as easy as just going for it. It fucking hurts. You have to actually train your ass for this shit. And over time, you find you can fit bigger objects in there. A couple of weeks ago, I actually managed to cram in two fingers, and that was how I first got the idea for this blog. Because I was pretty fucking proud of myself. But who could I tell about that? Who could possibly share my excitement? Actually I thought about IMing trap-fapper @owen_s, but even he might have been as embarrassed to read it as I would be to write about it. I was a coward. But now I'm saying fuck it. What do I care who knows this shit? This shit doesn't even matter. If you think less of me as a person for something like this, then I think of you as a minuscule particle of existence.
Anyway, that's still pretty off-topic, since it's not like I attacked my ass right from the get-go. Instead, I did something that I actually haven't done in years (partly because when I was doing it, I was really mentally unstable, and for a long time I've tried to avoid anything that might bring that feeling back, hehe). That was, I tried my very best to wear girls clothes.
Now mind you, I don't and never have had any female friends (which is the biggest shame in the world when you think about it.) My mom dresses uber-goth (she even has some stuff bordering on gothic lolita) which I would've loved to wear, but my mom is also 5 feet tall, and that shit wasn't happening. There was exactly one instance when I was 15 that I was home alone, and I went into my mom's room and put on some of her gothy clothes - I looked fucking ridiculous, so that was a bad idea.
So how did I get around this problem? Thankfully, one of my biggest fetishes is girls wearing big, poofy shirts or sweaters. I happened to own this ridiculously huge red Fullmetal Alchemist hooded sweatshirt, which was big enough that when you see those girls who are in short-shorts and a t-shirt and the pants are invisible, that's about how it was on me - this thing reached my legs, and I could fit my entire body inside it if I wanted to. But then we have the issue of my hairy-ass legs, which is where my mom's wardrobe finally came in handy. She had thigh-highs. Those stripy kinds like Mio wears in the Don't Say Lazy video. Wearing those and my ridiculously huge hoodie, I could manage to simultaneously be naked, not see any of myself, and still have access to every part of my body. This, my friends, is how a fat guy with no women's clothes and no desire to shave anything managed to make himself feel 'cute.'
I actually highly recommend this to anyone who's always wished that they could picture themselves as a girl and don't have the means to do so. I think if you exceed a certain weight, it's not going to work right, so I'm sorry for the really huge guys. It also helps if you have a feminine voice. Thankfully, from ten years of singing Linkin Park, Coheed and Cambria, The Mars Volta, and any number of anime songs, I have cultivated as convincingly female a voice as you will ever hear from a man. Being able to 'moan' cutely is a powerful asset to completing the illusion.
The easiest thing to convince yourself is a girl masturbating. It's easy enough to mimic the things you've seen - shift your legs together a lot, touch your fingers to your lips, close your eyes, writhe a lot (I'm also much more flexible than my appearance suggests, which is also helpful. I'm telling you, until 5 years ago, you'd have never believed I was male if you met me), feel your chest, etc. It's also not so hard to dream up a lesbian scenario because a lot of it involves the use of hands, and while two hands are sadly not enough to complete the picture, two hands moving around very quickly can do a lot. Helps too if you own a dakimakura like I do (and if you've imagined the character to have an incredible sexual imagination and desire.)
Anyway, that's all I'll get into today. I already said a lot more than I intended to, but once I got rolling, I couldn't be stopped. I'm sure this actually doesn't surprise anyone all that much, given my persona as a high-level pervert (hint: it's not just a persona!) but I want the people out there who might gain something from reading this to be able to. Especially if they're anime fans, since I don't really know what it's like to not have an endless repertoire of perfect 2D women in your imagination, hehehehehe.
I guess there’s not a huge amount to “answer” here, really, you seem to have this pretty well-figured-out.
I can’t really relate personally as much to the roleplay element; but with regards to the anal play I’ll bring up that you want to be careful with it. Using fingers in the shower isn’t likely to cause any serious damage but look up the facts on safety and lubrication and such. There’s a ton of nerve-endings back there, and a lot of sensitive tissue, and it’s easier for an open wound to get infected than in a lot of other places.
Importantly, given the setting, water and soap are really not great lubricants. Water feels slippery but will actually increase the friction which can increase the chances of hurting yourself, and soap will tend to dry out moisture over time which in the rectum can cause a lot of other issues. While it’s still not ideal for anything “elaborate”, conditioner is probably the safest bathroom choice among products not specifically made for personal lubrication.
I’ve found it really rewarding as far as exploration goes, and it can totally be done on the cheap and discreet - but you’re dealing with an organ that wasn’t expressly evolved with high-friction environments and things going into it mind, so be careful about it. You’re on the internet, there’s no shortage of good information.
—8c
